I know that my blog is pretty much dead and I don't suppose anyone comes here anymore but then as I have said once and again, not blogging does not mean nothing is happening. Something is happening everyday but not everything that has happening and every emotion felt can be translated into words for all to see. So i shall just leave this blog as it is and just come back and blog once in a while when I feel I have the ability to string all the happenings and emotion into words that makes sense.
I have always though that I have only one route that I want to take in life and that I know what I want. I have always thought that once I reach this crossroad, I would not have any difficulty making any decisions because I have long planned out my future for the rest of my life. Before reaching where I am right now, I had been proud that my eventual aim has never been changed nor shaken despite things not going my way and I had taken pride in the fact that I have still remained on the same route despite all the twists and turns that I had not anticipated. But now standing where I am, I suddenly feel that I don't really know what I want anymore, doubts had started to set in and I am one who hates my plans being disrupted. I know that somehow up till today I have always been on the route that I have planned for myself all the while and while I am still proud of being rooted, there have been this nagging doubt that has been engulfing me recently. Its like I am at this crossroad where I have planned to go right but now I see that there are three two other roads possible and I start to wonder if I have been wrong all the while. Why is it that I always regret over not having any options ad alternatives and now when i finally see alternatives, I feel worse than ever. Was I wrong to have started planning when I was not fully in the know of the options that I have? Why is it that something I have always taken pride in becoming my restriction and my obstacle to moving forward? I have no answers and I don't think I will be getting any from anyone. I guess its time to leave things in the hands of fate though I really hate the feeling of not having control over my own life and have never really believed in fate.
Yet another dark post I suppose that really does no justice to this happy looking background of this blog. To put right the wrong, I shall change my blogskin yet again to something more neutral this time or so I intend to. Eventually my ultra-sentimental half is going win my not-so-objective half and the resulting blogskin will then be based upon my emotion at that point in time, just like it always does.
No comments:
Post a Comment