That’s it! I’m ending this war I’ve waged with myself. I’m relinquishing all power and control and I’ll accept whatever lies ahead. It’s been too draining and tormenting both physically and mentally and its’ affecting me and I’m affecting everyone who cares enough to hang around me. Enough is enough and it’s high time I put a stop to this and turn things the right way around. 

I keep telling myself it's going to be alright and everything will be fine...I really really hope it will be alright this time round.

As I Wonder the Wander

Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost... 
And lets's put it this way, Not All Those Who Are Lost Wander.

 For now,I stand and tread along the path I've chosen but encapsulated in security and stability, I can't help but to wonder, "Where in this world do I stand?". I don't wander, I can't wander and I seemingly have no reason to wander like a lost soul, but what if I'm lost along this path of stability and security I've paved for myself.

How irony mocks, where the wanderer finds direction in wandering, and the stable gets lost in stability.

...

It would really be nice if we could just say and do what our heart really desires. But it would be impossible because we were brought up to think of everything and everyone before we make any move. Hypocrites aren't we? At least most of us are...

Me Against .... ???

I know I've been given more than I've ever dream of asking for, I do know how to feel of content and grateful. But when you don't have to fight for or struggle for something, You don't really know how its feels to lose it or not get it, Its like hanging on to something without knowing the reason why. It starts getting despairing and disillusion sets in, Now I don't really know if I really wanted all these? Or have I been deluding myself into thinking these are what I want, Just for my naive and juvenile thoughts of wanting to fight back? And just whom and what in the world am I fighting against and for...........?

waiting for nothing

Its hard to wait for something,
Its harder to wait for something you badly want,
Its simply pure torture to wait for something you badly want, knowing that it probably won't even appear...

drowning in routines

I guess I need a getaway, I think I want one, alright actually I'm dying for one.

Nothing seems to be the problem, everything is falling into place, I'm getting used to the routine life in school. But then everything has just got so routine, so fixed and so mundane that I lost track of time, lost track of what's happening. I seem to lost control over my life to all this seemingly perfect routines. Its like I don't even know what happening and what in the world I'm doing half the time now. I've been through 6 weeks of school now and seriously I don't have much of an idea what's going on actually, I just know I have to appear in lectures and tutorials and that's all I've been doing.

I just think I need to break this routine and do something different to get my head back. I need to clear all this routine and throw them all out and regain control over what I'm supposed to and have been doing. Call me a control freak, but I really need to be in control to feel at ease, and not being in control over myself is seriously getting on my nerves and I hate this feeling.